I was the perfect parent with all the answers...until I had kids :-)

So this is a post I've been sitting on for a long, long, time.  I have re-written it at least a dozen times in my head and tried to figure out how to put best what I'm thinking. I hope it doesn't offend anyone, it's not meant to, it's just my thoughts on this stage of my life and observations I have made on my parental journey.

I thought parenting was pretty black and white.  You set up the rules, it's all pretty clear what the rules should be...pretty easy right.  Any of you that are parents should be laughing by now.  Parenting is so gray!  So many things are not clear cut.  It's constant negotiation and re-evaluation, even when you thought you knew the answers, it's exhausting!

I am discovering that being the parent of teens is making me less judgemental of other parents.  Why are we so hard on each other as parents?  For the most part parents are doing the best they know how.  Don't get me wrong there are some who have checked out and their kids just run free but that's not the ones this post is about. Might I also point out, before delving into my grayness,  that I do have some hard and fast rules.  You may not ever be alone in the house with a boy and you may not wear clothing that makes it look like you could earn some extra $ if you were in the right part of town...just to name a couple, but this post is mostly about those grayer areas.

Parenting is a tough gig!  We don't know all the answers (shhh, don't tell the kids that) but we gather in all the information and do the best we can with it.

I may not make the same decisions you would make for your children and that's OK.  For instance, there are some who can't believe I let my Freshman daughter hang out with Senior boys.  Well, when those "adult" boys are at my house 99% of the time, making gingerbread houses, playing Chutes and Ladders and watching Extreme Couponing...ya, I'm not so worried about those Senior boys.  They are some of her best friends, call me mom and watch out for her like the big brothers she doesn't have but probably needs so ya, I'm OK with her hanging with those Senior boys.  We tend to judge based on what we see from the outside and as a general rule we probably don't know all the details. (and might I just point out that the "facts" that you get from your teens probably aren't the most reliable either, I include my own teens in that by the way, it's the nature of the beast.  In the above example you would probably get from your teen that Miss M has this Senior, non-member boy that is always at her house and that she is always hanging with at school and hugging, all true but not an accurate portrayal of what is really going on...see what I mean?)

You may not agree with every parenting decision I make and that's OK, you don't have to.  I may not agree with all of yours either.  For instance if you invite my 13 year old to a sleepover where you will be watching "What Happens in Vegas", we will just graciously decline and you are free to let your child watch it.

If you see my kids allowed to do something you would "never let your kid do" know that a lot of negotiation, tears, prayer, thought and discussion probably went into that decision and we made the decision we felt was best at the time.  Sometimes it may not even be what we think is the BEST decision but a situation where we feel like they needed a choice and they will learn from it good or bad.

My kids have been raised with good morals and standards and there is constant checking going on to make sure those are still intact, to make sure they are bringing others up instead of letting others bring them down.  They are good, strong, spiritual, smart girls.  If I had kids I thought couldn't/wouldn't hold their own, some of my parenting decisions would be different.

I'm a very involved and pretty informed parent. I get details, weigh the pros and cons and then try and do what works for my family.

Growing up I saw the kids whose parents ruled with iron fisted strictness and no negotiation, I also know what those kids were doing behind their parents backs.  I also saw when those kids got to college the chaos that ensued in their lives because they had no idea what to do with freedom and choice.  My parents did not parent like that and neither did Treg's.  They trusted us, they gave us a voice, they let us make choices and I think we turned out pretty OK. Were all our choices the very best, probably not, but that's all part of who shapes us into who we are right, all part of that pesky free agency plan.

I have a few friends who are often the target of judgement for their parenting, but you know the more I talk to those friends, they're on top of things, often in ways I am not.  They are raising awesome kids.  Their methods may be a little un-Orthodox, and from the outside they may not look like the best options but you know what, it's working for them and they are some of my favorite moms and their kids are going to turn out just fine!  I feel bad for them, it's exhausting feeling like you have to justify every parenting decision you make.



And finally to my awesome friends,  if I ask for your input on something...and then do just the opposite of what you suggested :-) it's not because I don't value your opinion, I absolutely do and it all got put into the big melting pot of the decision making process. If in the end it turns out you were right and I should have listened to you, please just take me out to lunch and let me cry on your shoulder instead of saying "I told you so"...we're all on this long parenting journey together and we need all the support we can get :-)